Christina: (00:01) You are listening to the scaling of freedom podcast. I’m your host, Christina Bernhard. And this week we are doing something special. I am actually going to be doing a life update this week because there is so much going on. Um, and I wanted to go ahead and to fill you in on everything that’s happening. Um, and just some really exciting things that are coming up first. If you notice that my voice sounds a little weird it’s because I am recovering from COVID. Um, it finally, finally got me after two and a half years of this pandemic and I have dodged, um, COVID despite traveling and, and doing quite a few different things over the past two and a half years. And, um, it finally got me, so, um, my voice is a little weird, but we are recovering and I’m feeling so much better.

Christina: (00:47) So a big, um, part of why I wanted to do this update is because if you do follow me on Instagram and you follow, um, my, uh, personal life in any way, you would know that I am pregnant. And, um, I am actually getting very close to my due date. Actually, I’m batching some content right now. So at the time I think I’m only a, a few weeks out. So I am, um, batching this. So at the time of recording this, I am about to be 35 weeks tomorrow. So we’re getting close and I think I’ll be like 37 or 38 when this episode comes out. Um, and so I’m really, really excited as you can probably imagine. Um, so I wanted to give you a little bit of a backstory. So I’ve talked a little bit about my, um, maternity leave plans and things like that.

Christina: (01:35) So if you wanna check out those, um, episodes, uh, go ahead and do that. And I’ve also on my Instagram, talked a little bit about my journey of becoming pregnant, because if you don’t know already, I decided to, um, become pregnant alone. So I decided to become a single mom by choice, which is what, um, the community calls each other. And that’s basically where you decide that you’re going to have a child, um, on your own from the beginning. Um, so if you are in a situation where you are a single mother, because the, um, other person does not want to, um, be a part of it or something like that, we consider that single mom by circumstance. Um, but so single mom by choice is a little bit different, um, because you go into it not pregnant and wanting to be pregnant. So a little bit of my backstory of how I kind of got to this point is, um, so my, um, uh, for the last, I mean I’m 31 years old. So I started dating when I was out like 17 or 18 or something. And in that time span, I have had four serious relationships. Um, three of the four were definitely more serious, but all of those relationships, I was 100% certain to be honest, that we were going to be married and be together forever. Um, and I had, um, very like a lot of certainty around this for each one , um, and honestly they were all wonderful relationships.

Christina: (02:59) Um, there was one that was a little bit not as it was a little on the chaotic side, I guess everyone has that like one chaotic relationship. Um, but the other ones, they were actually really great relationships and I consider them to be successful while they didn’t last forever. Um, they were great at the time and they really helped, um, I think both of us propel each other to who we were supposed to be in their next chapter of our lives. Um, and then it just ended up not working out for all kinds of various reasons. So I’ve had very different kinds of breakups, but, um, and after each breakup I’ve had, you know, a time in my life where I was single. Um, and I was able to actually just do a little bit more, um, reflection on myself and like finding myself and, and just really focusing on myself and allowing myself to grow and become this different kind of person.

Christina: (03:46) And then I will like attract someone else. And then we start a new relationship and the whole cycle just kind of continues on . So once I got to my most previous relationship, uh, we were together for almost four years. And again, I was completely certain that we were going to get married and we were going to be together forever and like all of those things. Um, and so when the relationship ended, um, it was actually very clear to me that it should have ended, but I just wasn’t clear to me, like in the relationship, it was more clear after the relationship when I had the time to kind of, you know, absorb it all and to really digest everything and process it. And, um, you know, it was just kind of like, I ended up in this place in my life where I was like, gosh, what, what next?

Christina: (04:29) You know? Um, and I was trying to figure out what I wanted next, because I got into this point in my life where I really did go for everything that I wanted so far. And of course there’s still so much that I want to achieve and do, but I, I genuinely like everything that I really, really desired for my life. I have it. Um, and while I’m of course not rich or anything crazy like that, but like, I’m so happy with where I am at. And if I lived the life that I lived today, every single day for the rest of my life, I would be absolutely happy with that. Um, again, there’s still so much more that I want to do and all of that, but I’ve still, like, I know a lot of people say like, you know, there’s never a point where you’ve technically made it and I do agree with that.

Christina: (05:16) Um, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve made it in a lot of ways too, because I have just really accomplished what I really wanted to, um, initially to be, to just have the freedom. I mean, every like this entire podcast is about freedom, my core value it’s one of my biggest core values is freedom. And I just want freedom of choice to be able to live where I want to work whenever I want and to work with whoever I want, like all the things, the most freedom that I could have in my life. And I’m at a place where I feel extremely free and I have a huge, like array of freedom of choice in my life. And, um, that was something that I worked really, really hard to get. And now that I’m here, um, it’s so just so rewarding. And so I decided last year that I was going to start traveling again, normally I traveled with my partner before, and so this was, I have gone on solo trips before, but I’ve never long term traveled solo.

Christina: (06:15) I always did it with my partner. So this was going to be a little bit different. Um, and while I’ve had, you know, again, I’ve had, uh, solo trips before and I’m actually really introverted, so I, and I’m single and I live alone. So I’m really comfortable with being by myself, but I was curious to see what this would be like over long term. And so I, um, booked a flight to Europe and it was just a one way and I was just gonna come home whenever I felt like I needed to come home. And I was traveling around Europe and after about a month or so is when I started to really like, you know, reflect on things and just figure out like, I, I started to feel kind of homesick. And I was like, I think I’m gonna come home in a couple weeks.

Christina: (06:54) Um, so I was like, okay, what am I gonna do when I get home? You know, like what’s gonna be the next big move of my life. And this stuff excites me like crazy. Like it excites me, um, so much, um, to figure out what that next big mountain is. And I was just kind of going through all of the different things that I really wanted. And if I was being honest with myself, I really wanted to become a mother, but it was so discouraging because I’m single again. And at this point I had been single for about, I think, eight months or so, so almost a year of being single. And it was just so discouraging because whenever I’m thinking about having someone to co-parent with, I obviously, like you would probably imagine, um, I have some standards there and it really does matter to me who I co-parent with.

Christina: (07:43) And so it would take me a long time to get to know someone on the level that I would want to, to know if I want to co-parent with them, or if I think that they would be a great fit. And since I’ve been in all of these relationships where I was certain that I wanted to co-parent with these, um, partners or, you know, and get married and all of those things, um, and then see them not work out, um, it was just kind of like, man, it takes a long time for me to like really figure out, especially with all the transformations that I go through. Like, I’m definitely just not the same person, like every six months I’ve I just drastically change as a person. And it makes it really difficult for me. And I don’t know, like, let me know on Instagram, like DME, if you relate to this, but I have a really hard time, um, just continuously relating to the same person over time, because I I’m just drastically changing all the time.

Christina: (08:35) And I think that that has been, um, just one of the many things, you know, that have made it difficult to stay with one person forever, I guess. Um, and, uh, there’s just like a point where we just don’t like fit anymore. And, um, maybe that will, you know, settle down at some point. I hope that it does, but not that I don’t wanna wanna, like, you know, continuously grow and stuff, but I hope that I do find someone that we just seem to grow still together. Um, and you know, I was just kind of like, man, at this point I was 30 at the time and I was like, you know, I really want to be a mother, but am I gonna wait for another, like five years to do that? You know? And, and also at the end of those five years, we could decide that we’re not like met to be together forever.

Christina: (09:23) And it’s not a good idea to continue on, like in co-parenting or marriage or anything like that. And then what, and then I’m 35 now and I have to figure out what do I wanna do? And so when I started to play out these different scenarios and, um, you know, I just decided like I’m just going to become a mother because, you know, the rest of everything else didn’t exactly plan out the way that I had planned it to. And I tried really hard, um, to go that route. But, um, you know, and then also the more that I thought about it, the more that it felt more, um, I guess, right, because it’s also falls in line with my core value of freedom and that I don’t have to consult with anyone else on parenting decisions on, you know, just really anything that has to do with my child.

Christina: (10:09) Not saying that you should do this on your own, um, so that you don’t have to consult with anyone. I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying that for the, the position that I was in at that time, um, and still at this time, um, it just made the most sense to me. And I also do want to have more than one child as well. So I don’t really want to push my fertility too much because whether we want to believe it or not, um, as women, we do have an end to our fertility. It’s only gonna be here for so long and that’s really different for everyone. Um, I have friends that are my age or, you know, in the 35 range and they have really, really struggled to stay pregnant or be pregnant. And, um, I’ve heard I’ve I being part of the community.

Christina: (10:49) Um, I have heard of some just really, really horrible stories. And, um, it’s, it’s so heartbreaking. And with the community, the single mom by choice community, a lot of them are about, you know, a decade ish older than me potentially for some of them. Um, so they’re usually in their late thirties and early forties. So I hear a lot of these different kinds of stories. And I’ve really like learned from these women because these women have constantly, constantly said that they wish they would’ve done it so much sooner. And those voices just got so much louder for me. Um, and so I decided that I was just going to go for it. um, so that is kind of how I came to that conclusion of, you know, why I wanted to be a single mom by choice. And, um, I decided to, uh, book a flight back to the states.

Christina: (11:40) Um, so it was like a couple weeks later and I booked a fertility assessment and I just started on my journey. Um, I’m very happy to say that my fertility journey was only about three months long, so I was able to get pregnant fairly quickly. And, um, so, so grateful for that. Um, I like just count my blessings all the time of how much of a blessing that is. And, um, so I did get pregnant like fairly quickly compared to a lot of other journeys. And, um, so far my pregnancy has been, um, pretty good. Uh, I will say that like, definitely if I’m being honest, it can be very isolating to be pregnant by yourself. and I would be lying if I didn’t say that there weren’t times that I wish that, you know, someone was just experiencing it with me. And I hope that maybe for my second child, maybe I’ll have a partner, maybe not, um, you know, whatever is meant to happen.

Christina: (12:33) You know, that’s what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna do with what we can. But, um, I think that, you know, doing it with a partner would be awesome, but I also think that doing it alone has been very empowering and it’s been a really great experience. Um, I, I genuinely feel like one isn’t better than the other necessarily. They’re just very different in different ways. Um, so I am excited to, you know, go through this transition into motherhood, but also doing it even though of course I don’t have the help of a partner, um, or someone else to like lean on in that way. Um, I do have a great support system, but also at the same time, I’ll be able to go through this transition and not have to, uh, also like tend to someone else’s emotional needs. Um, and I hope that doesn’t sound like like that’s a burden or something like that, but I’m just, it’s just another way that I look at it.

Christina: (13:23) And, um, as one of the pros that, you know, it’s just gonna be me and my daughter and we’re just, it’s just gonna be us and we’re gonna figure it out. Um, and it’s gonna beautiful. And, um, so my first trimester was quite awful. I’ll be honest. I was so, so sick. I was incredibly sick. My first trimester, I am someone who is like, I’m pretty healthy. I like to like really take, uh, charge of my health. And, um, so I was like, well, maybe, you know, because I really take care of myself. Like maybe I will be one of those people that won’t have a lot of terrible pregnancy symptoms, my first trimester, but no, I had horrible nausea. I was terrible. Um, and I, it was like really, really awful to get through. And the, um, fatigue was just on a whole nother level.

Christina: (14:10) And so even just trying to like cook and then the food diversions were awful. Like nothing sounded good. And just trying to like cook and clean and just keep up with life even by myself, like even just like getting up to fill up. My cup of water was just horrible. like if I’m being honest. Um, but once I got through the first trimester though, everything has been really great and I’ve been feeling really good. Um, I’m definitely getting tired now that we are heading towards the end. Um, and I’m about halfway through my third trimester. So, um, I am getting some fatigue, but physically I actually feel pretty good. I feel like my body kind of, um, I start to I’ll have days where I feel really heavy and it’s harder to move around. Um, I am short, so my bump is quite like out .

Christina: (14:56) Um, so I actually started showing pretty early, uh, and my, uh, like my belly has been quite large in my opinion for a while now. Um, but I feel like my body has adjusted and I’ve been able to like carry it. Okay. And, um, I haven’t had a lot of issues with like back pains and stuff like that. So, um, aches and pains have been pretty minimal as long as I’m keeping up with like walking and I have a Peloton, um, and just doing a lot of prenatal yoga. And I also have like a massager that I use every single night. Um, and I think that’s been helping a lot. Um, I haven’t had a lot of experience without it because I use it pretty religiously. So I don’t know if it’s like one of the reasons why I’ve been, um, having less of a hard time, but, um, it’s, uh, it’s just been really great and I’ve been really, um, grateful for that.

Christina: (15:45) I have had to adjust, you know, how I put on my shoes and things like that. And the key I think is to be very flexible um, I literally sometimes will just put my foot like on the wall to try and like put my shoes on or whatever. Um, so if I wasn’t flexible, I think I would have a much harder time cause I absolutely cannot bend over, um, in that way, but, um, I’m just finding ways to figure it out. Um, and so it’s been, it’s been really great. It’s been a wonderful experience as well to just like, feel this like little being inside my tummy. And she’s like very, very active and always moving. Um, and if I didn’t mention it already, um, I’m having a girl and, um, she’s very, very active, so there’s been a lot of reassurance of that.

Christina: (16:29) She’s okay. On like an hourly basis. Um, and actually anytime that I’m talking, she’s moving like crazy. So like right now she’s like going nuts, like being a gymnast in there because I’m recording a podcast. So anytime I’m on a call or something like that, like talking like makes her go crazy. Um, but it’s been really, really amazing, um, for my birth. Um, I, I will be giving birth in a hospital, um, as long as I’m able to. Uh, and I did hire a doula, which I’m very happy about, especially being on my own. I was a little nervous about the idea of laboring at home alone. Um, my family is extremely supportive, but they are an hour and a half away. So they, and they also have, um, careers and lives and things like that. So, um, the thought of going into labor and being by myself, I just wasn’t sure about that.

Christina: (17:21) Never been in labor before. And, um, I also just don’t know how it’s gonna go. So, um, I’m really happy to have, um, hire to doula and, um, and then, like I said, my family is very supportive as well, and my mom’s gonna be in the delivery room with me, with my doula. And so, um, that’s going to, uh, I’m actually very excited. I’m not nervous about labor at all. I’m just very much, like I told my doctor, like whatever she needs to do to keep me in the baby happy and healthy, like, or not even happy, but like healthy, um, and just alive, then I’m fine with it. Like if she needs to take my left ear, then the ear is yours. Like whatever you gotta do. Um, I am not a huge fan of interventions, but I’m also like fully in full surrender of whatever needs to happen.

Christina: (18:10) So, um, as long as we come out alive, um, I’m gonna be very happy with that. And so, um, and then postpartum, um, my mom is staying with me for a little bit and so that’s gonna be really, really helpful and I’m very grateful to have that. And, um, my doula will be helping a little bit. And so, yeah, I’m, I feel very prepared, which is weird, cuz I don’t actually have hard plans. Um, I’m very much a planner, but when it comes to stuff like this, like I don’t try to plan anything because I don’t have control over how any of it’s gonna go and I don’t know what kind of baby she’s gonna be and like, you know, what kind of challenges to even prepare for. So I’m just kind of like we’re gonna get through it. whatever it is. Um, I am confident in that and I’m just very grateful to have a support system to be able to do something like this.

Christina: (18:57) Um, but yeah, so that is what is happening. Um, and at the time that you’re listening to this, I will probably be, I mean, I could have potentially already given birth , but um, likely I will be, um, giving birth very soon. So I’m super, super excited. Um, and I have, um, if you do follow me on Instagram, um, thank you so much for all of your kind words. So many of you have been so, so supportive and so positive and nice. Um, I will say that it’s been a little bit nerve-wracking to come out with the whole like single mom by choice thing, just because you just, you know, people have their ideas on how things are supposed to be and all this stuff. And like they’re a little bit more, um, accepting of other ways of bringing a child into the world. Even they’ll like, there are some, I don’t know, there, there opinions out there and um, I have, um, I have gotten some negative feedback.

Christina: (19:55) Of course I’m sure like, no matter what you do, like people are gonna say things and um, but overall I feel really, really good about what I’m doing. I feel like 1000% sure that this is right and it feels so good and it feels so, so right. Um, and I will say that the amount of support and positivity that I’ve gotten is like so overwhelming. Um, so I did, uh, announce this months ago on my Instagram. And um, again, so many of you were like extremely supportive and positive and my clients have been amazing. My team has been amazing. Like everyone has been so amazing and so I could not be more grateful. So that is the update that’s what’s happening now. Um, and so, uh, please go follow me on Instagram, go connect with me. Um, if you, uh, have anything that, uh, you wanna chat about, um, about being a single mom by choice, I’ve had some people, um, reach out and just ask me questions on like the journey and things like that.

Christina: (20:50) I’m more than happy to answer anything about my journey or, um, you know, like the details of it. Um, and you know what to do and if it’s something that you’re considering, um, which I’ve heard a lot of people, um, mostly on my personal Instagram, but also my business one too. I’ve had some people ask me some questions on how, like how on earth do you even get started on something like this? Um, so I’m more than happy to answer anything like that. Um, and share my journey some more. And um, so yeah, I hope that you enjoyed this episode and this little life update. Um, and I will see you all on Instagram Graham.